Zenaida regularly contributes to the Exponent II blog. Her bio may be found here.

I am awash in ambivalence. I attended my first Sunstone Symposium on Saturday. I anticipated the symposium with both excitement and reservation. I had friends who shared my excitement and friends who intensified my reservation. The Symposium was pitched to me with enthusiasm and ardor, but the validity and source of the magazine and the symposium were also questioned by those who had never heard of it before I had. So, I showed up as early as I could for the first session to see what it was all about.

I was open. I listened. All day.

I was relieved to hear views similar to ones I almost didn’t know I had from so many years of shaving off the round pieces to fit into the square peg of LDS doctrine, and nervous to hear views that were not even close to my own. In the end I was thrilled to find hope in others who continue to hope despite hardship. I was energized by others’ efforts to gain understanding and build bridges. I was intimidated by the strength of personalities and opinions. And, I came home and wondered. I wondered how I should align myself. I wondered what my own, real opinions were. I wondered if the goal is really to begin discussion and provoke thought, or if the goal is to deconstruct the church.

I’ve been on one side of the fence almost my entire life, and I have only recently ventured to look over the other side. Who knows where I’ll end up, but maybe it’s the journey that matters. In the end, I found some amazing people and built some relationships. I furthered my quest to understand people, and I enjoyed the company of friends and peers open to thought and discussion that may not always tread the familiar path… and I went to church the next day.

Thank you Sunstone and Claremont for a wonderful event!

~Zenaida