Playing the Mormon game?
By Jana on Dec 8, 2007
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how I have to “play the game” in order to move forward in my profession (to be specific, my current ‘game’ involves writing grant proposals and getting to know the ‘right’ people who can write letters of recommendation on my behalf).
There’s a part of me that just hates the game. I want to stop playing along. Then there’s this other part of me that’s willing to jump through particular hoops if it gets me what I want in the long run.
Similarly, I think there are many ways we “play the game” of Mormonism. Such as wearing the right clothes on Sunday, saying the right things to the Bishop, having the right hairstyle, and following the letter of the law.
So what I’m wondering is this: when is it worth playing along at Church and when is it time to just step out of the game? There are sacrifices involved either way, so how do you decide if/when the game’s over? Or do you think my analogy is flawed and the Church is never about ‘playing along?’
I often choose not to wear ties or shave on sundays specifically because I’m “playing the game.” I have known several women who wear pants to church as part of “the game.” I also feel that temple recommend interviews are part of a game. Every member must decide what they think the bishop needs to know and what the bishop doesn’t need to know. Every member approaches this differently, as does every bishop.
Comment # 1 by rrc | Dec 9, 2007 | Reply
I think if we believe in the importance of the church as the Lord’s vehicle to bring His children to Him, we have to acknowledge that there are compromises to be made. The church is the Lord’s tool, but it is made up and run by fallible human beings who are trying to figure out what all this revelation means. That I think means a recognition on our part as individuals that (1) we really do need to try to help those in leadership roles including by sometimes sacrificing our will to the will of other fallible human beings whom the Lord has called to lead the church, and (2) that since we are talking about a group of people and not only us as individuals, sometimes the health of the group does require the sacrifice of some of our individuality in order to maintain the unity of the church as a whole.
Now, neither of those points I think are quite as dogmatic as they might sound at first blush. I have faced situations where helping those in leadership roles amounted to diplomatically but firmly telling a leader “you’re wrong, you’re missing something very important in your calculus”. I thought my role in those situations consisted both in having the spine to stand up and say they’d gotten something wrong but also in doing so in a way that truly conveyed (and really was in my heart after much struggle) a genuine attempt to help, not just prove my point (and a willingness to acknowledge where I could be wrong, and even if I was right accept that they not I had the decisionmaking authority).
And on the second point, I do think there is great importance in there being a certain level of commonality in the church even in non-doctrinal things so that the church can have a feeling of unity. But - important but - we can’t get Pharisaic about that, we have to be able to recognize when we get off track and the imposition of commonality may be making unnecessary demands that actually are detrimental to the church. For example, I consider it divinely inspired that Road Shows have died and never to my knowledge been expanded to church branches in the Congo
It’s a fine line, I guess what I’m saying is that it means I won’t feel bad wearing a blue or pink or maroon shirt on Sunday, but if the Bishop asks me to wear a white one and it won’t harm me or anyone to do it, I’ll do it.
Comment # 2 by Non-Arab Arab | Dec 9, 2007 | Reply
All organizations have their games, and church is among them. For a long, long time, I considered the things I got from my participation in the church game to outweigh the things I gave up. At this point in time, the balance has shifted; I get less than I give. Whether it was I who changed or the church, or both, I’ve noticed enough change that my involvement is minimal. It helps my peace of mind, and my family realizes that I’m still the good husband/dad I’ve always been. But changing how thoroughly you participate in the game isn’t necessarily an easy thing. It is the endless discussion that goes on at http://www.newordermormon.org. What I’ve noticed is that what seems to be a tolerable, or evcen enjoyable, level of participation in the game for one person is utterly intolerable for another person. We’re all different that way, and no one size fits all.
Comment # 3 by Michael | Dec 9, 2007 | Reply
Jana,
I believe your lament is for authenticity, is it not? Isn’t that the part of you that “just hates the game”?
It is for me! How many of the rest of you feel free to be your authentic selves in your interactions with each other, whether on this blog, in church, your profession or avocation or in society at large?
As the late-night talk show host Tavis Smiley has recently said, “Our nation is starving for authenticity.” Don’t you think the “true church” should be setting the example?
I feel I risk exposing my authentic self every time I put a comment on this blog or on my personal URL blog. This means to me being willing to be vulnerable as Jesus exemplified. I always feel a little or a lot of fear and trembling in doing this. On the other hand, I believe Jesus was fearless in his vulnerability. That’s how confident He was in his relationship with His Father. I’m not at all sure how many in our society and culture could say this. Perhaps Lowell Bennion or Gene England. I can’t think if anybody else, if not Joseph Smith or Brigham Young.
Comment # 4 by Eugene Kovalenko | Dec 9, 2007 | Reply
Eugene,
You stir some interesting thoughts in me. I always appreciate that. My first reaction is to resist your call for authenticity. I resist because it seems that authenticity might just be code for complacency. It might be arguing that we ought to just accept who we are because “God loves us, so why bother changing?” Since God is inviting us to change, I can’t accept the gospel of the status quo.
On the other hand, I see the need to avoid pretension and falseness. We should, after all, be honest about our human frailties and frank in our reliance on the Savior. But I don’t think that admitting our frailties is the same as wallowing in our inadequacies. Joseph Smith didn’t tell us specifically why he was praying for forgiveness when Moroni came, only that he was struggling with certain tendencies. That seems an appropriate example for how we ought to be at church. We admit our weakness, invite others to strengthen us, and stand together in the goodness that God has to offer those who strive to follow him.
Is that “playing a game?” I don’t know. I have heard a lot of people mock the phrase “fake it ’till you make it.” In fact, the only place I’ve heard the phrase was from people who were mocking it. Still, I must admit it has a certain bit of truth to it. The more we ACT nobly and courageously, the more we will FEEL noble and courageous. If that is the case, does it really matter that the feeling follows the act rather than precedes it? Are there parts of our activity in the church that are merely acting? Probably, but such etiquette is a lubricant of good societies and probably shouldn’t be lightly cast aside.
Comment # 5 by Bradley Ross | Dec 10, 2007 | Reply
The ‘game’ may be only the level of desire we have to be obedient to the small things. These small things in and of themselves likely have little to do with the eternal. Of greater significance is our willingness and desire to the eternal principle, and for some a covenant, of obedience to matters we don’t fully agree with or understand. I choose not to get lost in the weeds of the details…I can play the game of the tie, shirt, etc of the culture because in the end - these are not worth not doing just to claim my ’self’ or need for independence.
Comment # 6 by Ron | Dec 17, 2007 | Reply
I think the “game” shifts, depending what your ward is like. I, thankfully, am in a relatively liberal ward. Some of our deacons have long hair and get away with passing wearing blue shirts. We have a few active members with tats and/or day-glo dyed hair. Our bishop revels in our ward’s “authenticity” (BTW, I shy away from the “expressing authenticity” mode of thinking, myself, because it summons thoughts of the “I’m OK, You’re OK” Bravo-channel, “let’s-push-our-expressions-in-others’-faces” mentality). I have facial hair and play the goof in ward play productions, yet I’m in a leadership position.
That said, wards vary from ultra-conservative to downright-leftist depending on the stake presidency, bishopric and area history. I dread the day– and it’s coming soon– when my family will have to move and start over in an utterly vacuous ward and I have to start “playing the game” of which you speak.
Comment # 7 by David T. | Dec 17, 2007 | Reply
It’s quite true. Sometimes you need to take a break from the game to grab your bearings and realize it’s not a game.
Comment # 8 by Becky | Jan 3, 2008 | Reply
I am convinced that JS restored the Gnostic Church to the earth. If you read Elaine Pagels, a case can be readily made for the idea that Christianity was originally Gnostic and was perverted at the Council of Nicea.
In Gnostic terms the Church we all find difficult is the Church of the Demiurge, or the Church of the Psychics or the law. Following Elaine Pagels’ interpretation, Paul was Gnostic. The Church of the Demiurge is the Church of the Law and of Obedience. We have sort of a semi-construct of this in Mormonism in that Satan is the God of this world. In Gnosticism, the demiurge is not all bad, but the law is heavy and takes joy from life. Obedience is hard. The Church of the Demiurge is a Church of Games and Players.
On the other hand, the Church we all want to belong to is the Church of the Pneumatics, or spirit. This Church is the Church of the Calling and election made sure, where there is no sin. Upon having your election sure, you can do no evil, all things are permitted. In this Church, love is the qualifier. Being filled with love and the desire to do right, we can do no wrong, therefore have no need of a law.
This is what Paul meant by being saved by grace, to be saved into the Church of the Pneumatics where there is no need for a law and salvation is guaranteed. In Paul’s theology, the Church was administered by the pneumatic members. The Psychic members were of inferior status. As time progressed this became inverted and the psychic members took control and drove the pneumatic membership and leadership underground and to extinction. I.e. an apostasy.
In the Mormon Church, the two Churches are widely hinted at. The two priesthoods are Aaronic and Melchizedek corresponding to the two Churches. The calling and election made sure is a temple ceremony. And of course Satan being identified with the demiurge. A high ceremony of the Gnostics was the ceremony of the bridal chamber. Among Mormons, the key to the celestial kingdom is temple marriage.
Notwithstanding, you will have a hard time finding the Pneumatic Church in the hierarchy of the Mormon Church because so much time and energy is spent caring for the Psychic membership. And the leadership is drawn, generally, from the psychic members who are good at following the law.
Having said this, a candidate for the celestial kingdom is, almost by definition, a Pneumatic, or spirit filled member and a believer in the True God, not the demiurge. This person can do no wrong, being filled with light and love. In other words, to touch on Buddhism, a person who has attained enlightenment. There are no games here.
So, if you do not like the Church of the Demiurge, become enlightened and worship the true God. The paths are already there in Mormonism although not much wandered by.
Comment # 9 by ScottsValleyBob | Jan 9, 2008 | Reply
My comment may go under the above about “playing the game”. I feel I have been playing the game for 20 years now. I am so frustrated right now I don’t know what to do. Part of me doesn’t want to go to church anymore, except show up to do my little calling which is playing the piano for the choir. However, my testimony is very strong about the atonement of Jesus Christ and the work of Joseph Smith and I want to be a good example to my children. Living the gospel is a lifestyle which is our code of our home. Like everyone, we try the best we can. That is why I go week after week. What I mean by playing the game means behaving and looking like everyone else. I have bipolar illness and I have been keeping up for the past 20 years, since I was baptized. I am a successful, fortunate bipolar person, however. I am intelligent, medicated and I live an active, healthy lifestyle. I have a music degree, have had 2 children in spite of the high risk to have children, and owned a business; I have been a great mom and practially home-schooled our kids. I am currently getting back in the work force of music education or education itself and plan to further my education. Right now I teach music to kindergarten, 1st and 2nd graders at my son’s school, a great responsibility. So, what is it I want that no one has been listening to me about? For the past 20 years I have done nothing except play the piano for EVERYTHING! I want to do other things and expand myself. I feel the “people” in my wards do not have faith in me that I can’t “handle” leadership callings. My goal in the near future is to get a teaching credential and an eventual masters degree in school administration. I feel I have proven myself many a time–have a temple recommend, do charitable things, done visiting teaching, gone to church functions, on and on. I have hinted so many times to do other things, now I have to suggest. I am tired of waiting and want to advance up the spiritual ladder too. The sad thing now is that I am becoming impatient, beginning to murmur to myself about my frustrations, and thus, chasing away the peaceful feeling of the Holy Spirit.
Readers might think this is a selfish desire. Maybe it is in some ways. But, if you knew me you would understand. I was abused as a child by my peers that have left scars. For many years, I would say “I can’t” and would give up. I felt like giving up when trying to deliver our first child. I did give up and it ended in a c-section. Now, fortunately I have been mustering a lot of strength and I am saying “I can” instead. The Lord has given me strength, and my condition, which was my supposed weakness and downfall in life, has been turned around into victory. I am still bipolar and will be for the rest of my mortality, but having it has given me tremendous strength. I have faith in myself now and I want to get out and learn more and do many things.
We have just been moved into a new ward boundary. At first I welcomed it. Although I had wonderful friendships in the old ward, some members were grouchy, picky, and egotistical. It wasn’t “safe” to be myself. Now I am in the new ward, same building, just different folks. These people are more layed back, but there are so many that I don’t know, it is exhausting for me to start all over again. I thought going to a new ward I would be offered different callings, but the cat got out of the bag that I play piano, and there you go. I have taken courses in choral and have dealt with children (which is actually my profession), so why can’t I do anything else like conduct the choir or lead the primary? I feel like a gerbil on a little treadmill. I haven’t given a talk in 20 years and I have never been offered any leadership calling which is what I would like to really do.
People may say, “it’s up to the Lord”. Yes, but, I feel that is part true. I bet if I moved to a completely new area and never told anyone what I did or that I was a pianist, I might be offered different things to do. This whole subject may seem silly, but it is important to me and part of my growing in mortality. It is important for me to know that I am respected and that I have the support and faith from my brothers and sisters that I CAN do many things and do them well. My Heavenly Father knows that I can. I also need to fill that void in myself that I can do things well despite my blight in life and whatever happened to me in the past. I also want to see how else I can serve others in the church.
Comment # 10 by Leigh | May 18, 2008 | Reply