Because life seems too rich for an abbreviated stay…
By Jana on Nov 3, 2006
I think about dying a lot. In fact, I am downright terrified that I will die soon.
I suspect that my fear is amplified by the fact that I am a cancer survivor (osteosarcoma ’84) and that my family has a rather unnatural history of cancer occurrence. I’m not necessarily afraid of a slow and painful death, but rather, I fear that death will arrive before I am ready to go. Perhaps that is why I was so struck by a comment I read on ExponentBlog today. Deborah, in response to Brooke’s account of her near-brush with death, wrote:
“I like to look into a future that seems miles long. I hope I get a chance at all the different seasons of life. If I don’t, I hope the Buddhists are onto something with reincarnation, because this earth seems too rich for an abbreviated stay.”
Her thoughts have set my mind to whirling. Yes, I know that most Mormons don’t believe in reincarnation, but we do hold beliefs about the many opportunities that await us in the hereafter. While I find some solace in the notion that I will be reunited with loved ones after death, this doesn’t comfort my anxiety about having so many things still yet to experience in mortality. For me, life is so impossibly beautiful that I’m holding tight to this earth and not looking forward to anything beyond.
So I have to wonder…Are you afraid of death? Do you think the Buddhist idea of reincarnation can be incorporated into a Mormon worldview? What is it that you most hope to do before you die?
I really, really hope that you don’t die anytime soon. I look forward to many more years together with you.
I occasionally have days where I think, “Today is a good day to die.” I probably got that quote off of some 80s fantasy warring flick, but sometimes I apply it to how I feel for that day: completely prepared to die. I feel as though if I were taken, I would be at peace with myself and emotionally ready to go.
The funny thing is that I’ve felt this way as a believing Mormon and as an atheist–belief seems to have little to do with it. The only constant is that I don’t ever feel this way while experiencing turbulance on planes.
Comment # 1 by John | Nov 3, 2006 | Reply
Jana and John,
Having just now read John’s latest posting on his site and the 20+ responses so far there, I’m deeply moved by you both. There is no doubt in my mind AND heart that you two have been together before and will stay together in a variety of ways. Not to worry about whether as husband and wife, lovers, siblings, etc. Bless you both and thank you for your gentle, loving, enlightened and courageous example.
ENK
Comment # 2 by Eugene | Nov 4, 2006 | Reply
Jana,
You’ve got two thoughts going there that intrigue me in their irony. The first is your holding so tightly to what life offers that you want to experience it all. The second is your quoting Deborah’s expression of hope that the Buddhists are on to something with the reincarnation thing.
Buddhists would not find the same delight in holding so tightly what life has to offer as we Mormons do. They re-experience life in order to LET IT GO! You have expressed a fairly unique religious idea that life experience COUNTS, that immersion in the life experience is spiritual. That’s a legacy of our Mormon teachings of the council in heaven, our participation in the path of divinity, our finding spiritual in the material world.
You bring up an interesting topic.
“After all it is no more surprising to be born twice than it is to be born once” — Voltaire
Comment # 3 by Lisa Tensmeyer Hansen | Nov 4, 2006 | Reply
Lisa: I’m glad you pointed out the tention between the 2 threads in my post. Basically, what I am hoping for a is a long rich life. But if that doesn’t work out, I do hope that there may be opportunites to return/re-experience this earth.
I’m not sure that I’m good at nonattachment. On the one hand I really don’t feel tied to ‘things’, but I hold tightly to people, to the everyday experience of living. Oddly though, I find life most rich when I am living fully in the present, which I know is an important element of nonattachment. Am I making any sense here? Like, if my house and car burned down right now, I’d be just fine. But if my kitties or kiddoes or John were hurt…not at all okay. And I find the most joy in just the simplicity and mundanity of life. Like sitting in my LR right now and typing at my computer, satisfied from just having eaten a lovely lunch of cheese ravioli, still savoring the ground nutmeg that I sprinkled on top. To me, this is _living_ fully, to notice and enjoy the details. But it doesn’t lead me to the belief that I can let go. It makes life all that more precious and ties me tighter to life and the people that I love..
Comment # 4 by jana | Nov 4, 2006 | Reply
Jana,
I knew that was you the moment I saw the title in my news reader. You may fear death, and I do too, but when I’ve read your words about death in the past I’ve had the impression that the fear is only the reciprocal of your love for life. I find this ideas reassuring…
I think many of humanity’s problems would be solved if more of us would put away the false hopes that soothe our fear of death.
Thank you for honestly and courageously expressing your fear of death.
Comment # 5 by Watt Mahoun | Nov 4, 2006 | Reply
It may seem a little silly, but “My Turn on Earth” is all about this frisson.
I’ve seen it used as funeral music, and it was effective.
But, life is always too short, because our existence is so very long.
Comment # 6 by Stephen M (Ethesis) | Nov 5, 2006 | Reply
Stephen:
“My Turn on Earth” is a personal favorite. I recently bought the CD and played it for my kids. Um, they were unimpressed–especially seeing/hearing their Mom belt out the campy songs. But yet, it does ring true wth the tensions that I feel.
Comment # 7 by jana | Nov 5, 2006 | Reply
Jana:
Thanks for your thoughts. I am attracted to the idea of reincarnation — but have no strong feelings about its “truthiness.” Think of it: several seasons to “get it right,” to try new hats and field new challenges, to develop more compassion in a messy world. We have conflicting promises but little detail about an eternity of life “beyond.” I ultimately trust in “its” goodness — but I’m not too eager to give up the texture of this world.
Comment # 8 by Deborah | Nov 5, 2006 | Reply
Watt:
It’s nice to know that I’ve got a few people out there in cyberspace who know me well. 
I find it sweet that you knew if was my post just from the title
Comment # 9 by jana | Nov 5, 2006 | Reply
I’ve actually never feared my own death. I’m petrified of losing my Alex, but I remember waking up one day when I was very young knowing exactly how I was going to die. Whether or not it’s true, it freed me from that particular fear. What do I think will happen when I’m dead? I think of souls the same way I think of water. Two cups of water sitting side by side are made up of thousands of different water molecules, each of which has been around a long time and seen a lot of things. If you pour both back into the pitcher and pour them again, you don’t get the same two glasses of water. I think what makes me me and you you is the combination of the glass that we’re in and the water we’re filled with. Neither will come again to this earth in the same combination, but neither will they ever completely leave. It’s my combination of reincarnation and high school physics (matter/energy is never created or destroyed). May you find peace with your mortality.
Comment # 10 by Reg-o-rama | Nov 5, 2006 | Reply
I had a long discussion about this with a friend once. I was in the “I like personailty and hope that in some way it stays intact” camp, and he was in the “isn’t it a marvelous idea that we can eventually transcend the temporary bariers that separate us from the rest of the universe and eventually become one with it” camp.
I admit that I can see the attraction of both ideas. I’m still in the personality camp myself. But at the same time, wouldn’t it be interesting to have been a thousand different people and had a thousand different perspectives on teh world and had a thousand different relationships? How different is that from my friend’s idea of becoming one with the universe?
Comment # 11 by Stephen Carter | Nov 6, 2006 | Reply
If we consider our dreams with the understanding that all aspects of our dreams are our own creation, then perhaps we can better comprehend Stephen’s interesting notion of being a thousand different people having a thousand different perspectives with a thousand different relationships. Yes? There it is right in front of us: a way to see how it feels to be one with the universe! How about that? That’s more personal, which I like better than Reg-o-rama’s glasses of water (which I also like, but not as much.).
Take a look at Joseph Dillard’s DreamYoga.com for a great way to get to know all aspects of our character creations and interactions in our dreams. Dillard knows what he’s talking about. It’s an especially great way to build an authentic community–or “sangha”, as Joe would put it.
ENK
Comment # 12 by Eugene | Nov 6, 2006 | Reply
Some years ago, I watched a documentary on the Discovery Channel, which portrayed the life of a Chinese fisherman. The man lived in an extremely rural area, and raised loons to aid him in his fishing. The documentary showed the man’s careful relationship with these birds, including his great efforts to find suitable breeding partners. His life seemed very simple, yet he attended to his affairs with impressive focus and pride in his work. I came away from this documentary realizing that I would never know what it was like to live this man’s life. I could only begin to imagine it. As time went on, I saw the same thing with others. For example, when I lived in Nauvoo, we often saw barges travelling the Mississippi, with workers busy on deck. I was told it was a rough, course lifestyle, but I truly had no concept of what these men’s lives were like.
I found myself powerfully shown just how narrow my own life is–how many things I will never experience in this life. How many paths I will never really understand, having not “walked a mile in their moccasins.” I will never know in this life what it’s like to be a survivor of the Holocaust, or to fly to the Moon, or to raise loons in rural China. One possible answer is that after this life, we get everything revealed to us, but that would just be theory–not experience. And then, after passing through this pitifully narrow little lifespan, we’re supposed to become gods and goddesses over a world filled with near-infinite diversity??? I can’t help but be open to the idea that we experience “endless lives,” going through the process over and over again to gain experience and knowledge.
Comment # 13 by Nick Literski | Nov 6, 2006 | Reply
Jana,
If you believe “Mormon Doctrine” and adhere to its’ belief system, you should understand the principle of Multiple Mortal Probations. It’s Mormonisms version of reincarnation. We do not just simply die and then get judged and then become Gods. Becoming a God is a long arduous process. I’m sure you’ve dont this, but if you haven’t, you should start with reading the King Follet Sermon and then read everything you can that relates to it.
When you connect the dots, you can really only draw the conclusion that to become a God we must do as Jesus has done. Each of us eventually becoming Christs to our own worlds and then achieving Godhood. Jesus attained Godhood by doing what he saw his father do. His father did what his father did and so forth. From the reading I’ve done it would appear that there are steps that come before becoming a Christ. One would assume that one of the steps would be the Adam/Michael step. Helping create a world and then inhabiting it. If you believe Brigham Young, in JofD 1 pg 46-52 or so talks on the subject of Michael having been an exalted being. One would assume he achieved exaltation on his previous planet and was then progressing. He learned how to build a planet and so forth.
To answer the question, ” Do you think the Buddhist idea of reincarnation can be incorporated into a Mormon worldview?”. I think it has already been incorporated. Most members just don’t connect the dots or do the reading to understand these concepts that have been around since the begining.
I’m not sure what a womens role in eternal progression is though. Eve was one of Adams wives from his past life. I’m not sure if she was his first wife or just one of many.
Anyhow, death bothers me too. But that’s because I don’t believe. I think one of the hardest aspects of not believing or just not being sure anymore is dealing with what reality may actually be.
Comment # 14 by Simeon's Peep Stone | Nov 6, 2006 | Reply
I have no opinion about reincarnation but I do believe that this world and its surrounding neighborhood have more going on about them than we’re aware of, more than we feel, and more than we imagine. I wish we could tap more deeply into the here and now (whatever “now” is). Often, I feel I’m half the person I could be, and I’m not thinking of integrity or “righteousness” or any other kind of principled characteristic when I say this. I feel I’m half the person I could be because I’m not experiencing enough of what’s open to me and of the experiences I have that do get my attention I feel I’m understanding less than half. Just a little more awareness, a little more quickness on the uptake when the unexpected offers itself, a little more freedom of feeling–that’s what I’d like. Oh yeah, and world peace.
Comment # 15 by Patricia Karamesines | Nov 7, 2006 | Reply