Keeping it Holy
By Jana on Sep 8, 2006
I’m a big fan of the Sabbath. A day without the hectic pace of work, heavy household duties, and the school carpool. And there’s nothing like a good Sunday afternoon nap.
I grew up in a family that was rigidly observant of the Sabbath, which meant no swimming, no friends’ birthday parties, and no Saturday night Campfire Girl campouts. It was hard when my friends would knock on the door and I’d have to turn them away because “we don’t play on Sunday.”
As a young college student I took my church leaders’ admonitions to heart, that if I didn’t study on Sunday, I would actually do _better_ on my papers and exams than my Gentile peers (Note: FWIW, I’m not convinced that avoiding Sabbath studying improved my grades).
Now, as a partner and a parent, I am often in a quandary about how far to keep Sabbath rules. For example, in our area, the closest swimming pool is only open to children on the weekend. If we swim together as a family activity, is it breaking the Sabbath? Or if my daughter’s best friend is only in town at her Mom’s house on Sundays, is it really wrong to let them play together? Or if I’ve had a super-busy week and I haven’t had time to buy groceries before Sunday, is it wrong to pick up some food if it would otherwise mean a dinner of freezer-burned spinach and food-storage lentils with reconstituted milk to drink?
I really do like the idea of keeping a day sacred, holy, and separate. For a day to rest from the hectic hustle-and-bustle of daily life. For time to meditate, to listen to music, to play boardgames with my family, and to eat a meal with everyone around the table. But it’s hard, because I feel pharisaical, even selfish sometimes, about imposing Sabbath strictures.
I guess what I’m saying is that I want permission to make the Sabbath my own—to not feel guilt over a few dollars spent or an afternoon together at a local beach. But, rather, to feel the peace that the Sabbath should bring.
So my question for you is twofold:
1) Do you have trouble keeping the Sabbath? If so, what are the obstacles?
2) What activities have you done on Sunday that have made it feel “right,” as if you’d figured out what God intended you to do on His holy day?
When I taught a Gospel Doctrine lesson on this topic several years ago, the manual had two quotes from prophets that included laundry lists of activities: one of things not appropriate for the Sabbath, the other of things that were. Two things were on both lists: drives and naps. So I figured if prophets can differ on the limits of appropriate Sabbath keeping, it must be a pretty individual thing. So, I first reframed the idea of Sabbath-keeping for myself in terms of how I feel when I do certain things, and what things improve my relationships with God and my family.
I also read an essay in Real Simple magazine quite a whie back, in which the author (a Jew) talked about reframing the Sabbath not as a day when you *can’t* do things, but when you *don’t have to* do things. This was another lightbulb moment for me, and as I rethought my approach to Sabbath observance, I found myself enjoying my Sunday afternoons a lot more.
How does this work out in practice? I’m much less strict than my parents were. I have no qualms about going to the grocery store if I need to, or even eating out with friends if that’s the time that works best for us to get together. However, I do try to plan my life so that I won’t *have to* do these things. I also resolved to make simpler Sunday dinners (except on special occasions) so I don’t spend my whole afternoon in the kitchen. And I will occasionally spend time working in the garden–pulling weeds is a pretty mindless activity that allows for meditation/contemplation.
Comment # 1 by JaneAnne | Sep 8, 2006 | Reply
Emily Dickinson is my guide:
Some keep the Sabbath going to church;
I keep it staying at home,
With a bobolink for a chorister,
And an orchard for a dome.
Some keep the Sabbath in surplice;
I just wear my wings,
And instead of tolling the bell for church,
Our little sexton sings.
God preaches,–a noted clergyman,–
And the sermon is never long;
So instead of getting to heaven at last,
I’m going all along!
Comment # 2 by Parker | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
I think the gold standard for Sabbath observance comes from Christ himself: “Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.”
I do think it’s wonderful to have a day set apart. But when it becomes about strict adherance to long lists of rules, it’s sort of destroyed the whole purpose.
I honestly miss having a Sabbath. I work days, nights and everything in between without ever really setting a schedule. I never feel grounded and frequently don’t even know the day of the week. When I had a 9-5, Sunday was a wonderful chance to rest up and relax w/ my new wife. Now that I have kids and no consistency in my schedule, we have to make that time in other ways and at other times.
but still…..it’s sabbath to us.
Comment # 3 by Rick | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
Amen, Parker. Amen!
Jana Riess (another Jana!) has a great article (Adobe .pdf link) on the practice of Sabbath-keeping in the December 2004 issue of Sunstone. In it, she talks about taking a refreshing year-long sabbatical from the Church and she chastises liberal Mormons for not taking Sabbath-keeping seriously. Good job Janas!
Comment # 4 by John Remy | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
Jana wrote:
Now, as a partner and a parent, I am often in a quandary about how far to keep Sabbath rules.
I respond:
I find it interesting that you used the word “rules.” Since disengaging from Sunday religious practices, I have found that “rules” just don’t make much sense when it comes to the “Sabbath.” That is a day that I can pretty much do what *I* want/choose to do. Among the many things I don’t miss is the weekly grind of sitting through three hours of meetings. (Some may actually find that enjoyable, but I didn’t. I always did it out of a sense of obligation rather than because I derived something from that observance.)
Now that I am semi-retired (I am currently teaching part-time for a few weeks), I can pretty much do anything I want to do any day of the week. But, I now enjoy spending an hour or so every Sunday AM, reading the Sunday newspaper. (I also do the laundry every Sunday AM, while my wife attends Mass. But, that’s another story.)
I certainly agree with the sentiment that “The Sabbath is made for man.” If you have to obey a bunch of arbitrary “rules”, then it seems as if you are missing the point.
YMMV
Comment # 5 by Preston Bissell | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
Parker:
Oh, yes. This poem by Emily is perfect. My best Sabbaths are generally those that I spend in my garden!
Preston:
I’ve shed most of my Mormon “rules”, but the Sabbath is one that has been hard to let go of. I _want_ a special, holy day. But I’m not sure how best to establish boundaries w/o creating the black/white rules of my youth. As a busy working Mom it’s not easy to demand a different Sunday pace w/o having some sort of jutification for it, or w/o creating some boundaries. FWIW, your story of doing the laundry while your wife is at Mass sounds like a good one. Perhaps you can elaborate?
JaneAnne:
I think it’s important for us to realize that Sabbath practices vary widely from family to family or person to person. It’s not the kind of thing that we’re asked in a temple recommend interview, but I think it is super- important to find the time for spiritual reflection and renewal. This seems the key to self-improvement and to knowing God’s will in our lives.
I wish I could have been in your GD lesson It sounds like a good one
Rick:
A good take home message: “It’s still sabbath to us.” Yes, indeed.
Comment # 6 by jana | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
Jana asks:
I’ve shed most of my Mormon “rules”, but the Sabbath is one that has been hard to let go of. I _want_ a special, holy day. But I’m not sure how best to establish boundaries w/o creating the black/white rules of my youth. As a busy working Mom it’s not easy to demand a different Sunday pace w/o having some sort of jutification for it, or w/o creating some boundaries. FWIW, your story of doing the laundry while your wife is at Mass sounds like a good one. Perhaps you can elaborate?
I respond:
Having never had any children (and therefore having never made any mistakes as a parent), I’m a little reluctant to advise others on how they can “establish boundaries.” However, I think that one can overdo the “boundaries” situation a bit. For starters, I don’t think that there is *any* particular activity in which one normally indulges which should be “out of bounds” on Sunday. What strikes me as “appropriate” is that Sunday (or any other day of one’s own choosing, for that matter) should be a change of pace. ISTM that, as a parent, you should not so much “demand a different Sunday pace” as *present* a new set of activities for that day. If attending church services is part of that “different Sunday pace”, although it wouldn’t be *my* choice, then you can lead by example. Since most people don’t *have* to work on Sunday, ISTM that this is an excellent day for family-oriented activities. IOW, rather than present a set of limitations (”rules”) about what one may *not* do on Sunday, present a set of *opportunities* that would differ from expectations on other days.
Actually, the reason I do the laundry on Sunday is not very interesting. My wife and I tend to do other things on Saturday, and we both worked the other five days (still do, part-time), so Sunday was the day that was left. My wife goes to Mass every Sunday AM, and so I choose to do the laundry at that time. It also gives me time to read the Sunday paper, and (dare I say it?) enjoy a cup of coffee while doing so.
Comment # 7 by Preston Bissell | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
I find and teach a multi-layered approach to Sabbath observance. First and foremost I agree that ‘rules’ should be forgone and replaced with a list of ‘dos’. However, how does one raise children to observe the Sabbath without installing rules about activities? That’s what you do for children. I imagine that good parents make it clear as their children grow (and need less rules and more consultative advice) that we should do things on the Sabbath that draws us closer as a family and as disciples of Christ. That is clearly going to result in different activities for different families. One family going on a picnic with friends and family may be observing the Sabbath for that family, another that may be an activity they choose not to participate in. Both are acceptable. It is up to us as families in the church to find activities that we deem appropriate. I remember the CLEAR INSTRUCTION when I was a volunteer CES Early Morning Seminary Teacher that I continue to use while I teach and advise in the church. It is not up to me to DEFINE what is appropriate for discipleship. That is for persons and families to determine. What is appropriate tithing? What about Sabbath Day observance? etc…
I do have to ignore and disregard many in the church who find it needful to define these strictly. I wonder to myself at times, wasn’t this what the Lower Law that was given to Moses all about?
Comment # 8 by John Shaw | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
One of the pivotal moments in my wife and my decision about how to teach and practice Sabbath keeping came early in our marriage when someone shared with us that he knew that the way he and his wife were doing things in their home regarding Sabbath dos and don’ts was a bit rigid was when their five-year-old during bedtime prayers (about midweek, no less) prayed, “. . . and please don’t let tomorrow be Sunday.”
Comment # 9 by Dan | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
My two bits is that I really appreciate having a day off. So, since I’m part of the circle of life, I need to make sure that my actions allow everyone to have a day off. So I do my very best not to make people work one day a week, like I don’t go to the grocery store or a place where a person has to be in attendance for me to be a customer.
I figure I have to give what I want to get.
Comment # 10 by Stephen Carter | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
like many of you, i grew up in a mormon household where we did not do anything much on sundays after church. no birthday parties, movies, grocery shopping, etc. i’m sure my parents were relieved to have a day of the week where they could simply relax, read, and nap. i, on the other hand, saw a long stretch of nothing punctuated only by homework and bad sunday night tv.
now as an adult married to a nonmember, i still see sunday as a “different” day, but i choose whether it is a sunday i take the kids to church or the beach. it is often more important to have a family day, with all of us in attendance than it is to have a church day without my husband. it took me years not to feel guilty about “doing things” on sunday, but now i feel more empowered knowing that i can take the day off from church and do something fun with the family and everyone will feel refreshed and together. i am also hoping that this flexibility will help my kids avoid my own boredom with and loathing of church meetings that compulsory church attendance helped develop.
Comment # 11 by lou | Sep 9, 2006 | Reply
In my family, we didn’t have rules, but we had principles. The question of whether or not we did or did not do something was decided on whether or not it met the principles that we had set for Sundays. It was okay to help people on Sundays, even if that meant you had to go to the store. It was okay to go on a hike together as a family or individually. It was okay to go pick up a few grocery items for a meal but not okay to do the week’s grocery shopping. We were known to skip church all together to go camping, or what we called, worshipping at the Church of the Blue Dome. We could watch TV, but not veg out for hours on end in front of trash. We often cooked together but sometimes we went to a family pizza parlor, but never to McDonalds. We were not allowed to hide out in our bedroom all day and not interact as a family.
I learned from my former in-laws how meeting the letter of the law was never how I would raise my children. I watched them drive to the grocery store parking lot on Sunday night and wait until 12:01am to go inside. They could technically say that they had not gone shopping on Sunday. My half-sister’s YW’s leaders have her so wrapped around the axel about obeying the sabbath that our family now often misses out on spending time together because she won’t do ANYTHING on Sunday and that is the only day that all of us have off. It has created a lot of resentment in our family. There is no longer the close family feelings that we used to have.
Comment # 12 by Denae | Sep 10, 2006 | Reply
You have my permission. Sounds lke a good Sabbath to me.
Bill and I have had to compromise because he looks at Sunday as another day off and he wants to mow the lawn. He’s so hyper it’s impossible for him to be still and he ruins my Sundays. The best Sundays I had were when he was on the High Council and in the bishopric and gone all day.
I was way too rigid when my kids were little, though. I think moderation is the key.
Comment # 13 by annegb | Sep 10, 2006 | Reply
I was recently released from a calling that required a lot on Sundays. While I was blessed for my service, the day was anything but a day of rest. Instead of setting aside Sunday as the Sabbath, I try to have what could be considered Sabbath moments throughout the week that make up for whatever I have to do on Sunday. Fortunatley all callings come to an end I have returned to the normal ranks of the Church and can enjoy my Sundays truly as a day of rest.
Comment # 14 by Chris | Sep 10, 2006 | Reply
Sabbath has always been a star to steer by (rather than a stick to — well, you’ve heard that one). There’s something in the whole idea of the Sabbath that speaks right to the part of my soul that (I hope) remembers heaven, but it is SO elusive! I always feel it when we sing “Sweet is the Work” And it’s SO sweet, it hurts. But everything I do to create that kind of a day falls SHORT. “Sweet is the day of sacred rest. No mortal care shall seize my breast” (Yeah, right) “To show thy love by morning light and talk of all thy truths at night.” OK, that line tells what I want from the Sabbath. That would be my kind of Sunday. Feel the love, share the love, and then talk with people I love about ideas all afternoon and evening. That would be worth giving up all the MEETINGS for, let alone all the recreation. “Oh may my heart in tune be found, like David’s harp of solemn sound.” Then let me finish the day all warm and excited for the week ahead, and let there be music to end my Sunday. I’ve passed this same Sabbath angst on to my kids. They come back home for Sunday and want to talk and make music, and I can tell they’re searching for that connection with each other and with the divine that always seems like it’s yet a little ways off.
I’ll tell you what I want for Sunday. I want Christ to come right into my home and bless my children, and talk to them about their concerns, and fill their souls right up with courage and hope and faith. That’s what I want from Sunday, and it hasn’t happened yet. So everything else is mildly disappointing.
Comment # 15 by Lisa Tensmeyer Hansen | Sep 13, 2006 | Reply
on keeping the Sabbath holy…..
I go to university during the day and work at nights and all weekend, debating whether or not to work this weekend because I have so many things to do, my husband told me that God did in fact want us to take a break from our hectic lives and relax. I do consider myself a more liberal mormon, more than some would like, but I believe that Sunday is in fact a day of relaxation. I think that the way you spend it, is no one’s business but your own, and I honestly don’t believe or want anyone else to judge me, or tell me how to relax, because only I know how to do that best for myself. Some people disagree. If it’s cooking you love, do it. If its excersizing that clears your mind, do it. Keep yourself sane in this hectic world. Go hiking, and for the person who entered in this blog, go swimming if you wish. Just take it easy. All I can say is, do what’s best for you, and for all other’s who don’t agree and think I should do otherwise, keep it to yourself, because what you do on your Sunday is your business as well.
Comment # 16 by Bonnie | Sep 15, 2006 | Reply
Nicely said, Bonnie.
When I was in law school, I determined from the start not to engage in my law studies on Sundays. I felt that I was truly benefitted by this practice, as it prevented me from making law school my life—something that far too many law students are prone to doing. It also encouraged me to organize my time better, as many major projects were due early Monday morning. While my peers were stumbling in the door after finishing their project at 4:00 a.m. on Monday morning, my “no Sunday studying” policy forced me to finish early. I often ended up having these projects finished as early as the previous Thursday.
Even now, as a non-believer, I think it is very important to have a day set aside from “business” concerns. What one does with that day is their own business, but it’s important to mental health.
Comment # 17 by Nick Literski | Sep 15, 2006 | Reply
I absolutely LOVE my Sabbath! I think of how to keep the Sabbath in terms of principals, not rules (the rules are only intended to follow lines of principal anyway, aren’t they?)
Principal #1: My Sabbath is set aside as a day of rest, worship, and family.
I therefore choose activities that fit into those categories. If something violates any of those things, I simply save it for another day. For me this eliminates stuff like work, cleaning, running errands, etc.
Principal #2: I don’t do anything that requires someone else to forego their Sabbath on my behalf.
This eliminates shopping and pay-to-play activities (I have no personal objection to snowboarding on Sunday — how I love the mountains and trees and silence of snow — but I refuse to make someone else work a chair lift for my benefit).
I remember, as a young adult, trying desperately to find a job that would allow me Sundays off. It was really hard and really discouraging, but that day is so vital to my personal and spiritual health. I would feel selfish eating out or shopping or doing any of the typical, even “family,” activities that are growing Sunday businesses and require employees.
Other than these broad guidelines, I think Sabbath activites are a very personal and individual choice. Except for cases where your activities rob someone else of their ability to have a Sabbath, I just don’t think any one person has the right to impose their “rules” on any other person. What is work for one might be preaceful to another (gardening is a good example of that).
Comment # 18 by Anonymous | Sep 15, 2006 | Reply
I too, have struggle with “keeping the Sabbath holy”…as a single parent/working mother & now as a wife/working woman. As an RN, I have been faced with working on Sunday, but my entry into this profession & my job came with an interesting story, which I will relate later. But back to the present, working long hours & odd shifts does live one slightly “off kilter”, is today Sunday & I hope I know that b/c I picked up the correct newspaper!! I invariably am missing the main ingredient for dinner which prompts a trip to the grocery store or as gas prices have been so high (and I’m so cheap), I find myself wanting to run errands while in the area of the church (which is not close to home). So….I strive to keep the Sabbath holy but often, out of my own disorganization or careless planning, I find myself shopping & running errands. I do agree that when it comes to decisions like what are the kids “permitted to do” & the whole TV thing….you have to work that out for yourself & with your spouse. I want to stress that I am about “NON-MOLLY” as they come but I have a firm testimony. I l know I need to have a day of rest & spiritual renewal. So, I will continue to strive for this as a gift to myself. But here are 2 very personal insights & experiences regarding the Sabbath. When I went to work as an RN, I initially decided to work as a labor pool RN which afforded me limited obligations to working Sundays. At some point, I needed to accept a full time position & applied for one (that didn’t exist!!) & will admit that on this rare occaision, I prayed about my decision & proceeded with complete faith that all would work out. Now as mentioned, there wasn’t a job in the area I wanted to work & there had no been an opening in this particular dept for more than 10 years..I also knew that in working full time I would have to work every other weekend (Sat/Sun). I distinctly remember praying for a position on “X” Wing & to somehow to allow me to continue to attend church & maintain my calling (GD teacher). This was probably one of the most specific prayers I had ever offered (I remember this as prayer is another challenge for me, good topic for another forum). Imagine my surprise, when I was approached by the Director of Nursing who (1) offered me a full time position on “X” wing (the 1st in 10 years & (2) said “there is a slight problem”, we can’t offer you daytime hours on Sat/Sun, would it be ok if you worked 3p-11p?? (thus allowing me to attend my mtgs on Sunday AM) As my eyes began to burn from the tears, I said yes, I would love the job. I promise you I maintained my covenant and kept the Sabbath holy & probably had some of the most spiritual experiences in my life on those Sunday evenings as I went to work under the auspices of “serving my fellowman”. It was one of the greatest gifts of my life & was born out of my promise to keep the Sabbath holy yet work on Sunday as a part of my occupation.
The second is the story of how my son & I used to go out for dinner after church. When he was younger, there was little time during the week to have a quality dinner & quality time with each other. Ergo, I rationalized that eating out on Sunday solved many problems (mostly got me out of cooking). Well, to this day, I will not forget the wonderful dinners we had but guess what? My return missionary, temple married son & his wife are now attending concerts & other activities on Sundays. He is very caviliar about this & sees nothing wrong with it. I have tried to respect their agency but can’t help but think that the seeds to spend a leisurely Sunday at the concerts or other activities (like shopping, brunch, art expositions & sailing) were planted when I sent the message that it was ok by eating out on Sundays. Call it mother guilt, call it what you will, but I will never know….but I will always wonder if I contributed to his choice in how to spend his Sabbath. So inspite of things, every Sunday I resolve to do better & when I do, I feel great & I feel blessed…again I do believe Sundays & the Sabbath are for us….but each of us have to find our way in this area…..
Comment # 19 by spitfire | Sep 16, 2006 | Reply