SunstonePodcast #011–Irreconcilable Differences: Emily Pearson Tells Her Story
By John Dehlin on Jun 22, 2006
We’re excited to announce the posting of a new SunstonePodcast! In it, Emily Pearson, daughter of Gerald and Carol Lynn Pearson, reflects on the ways her life has been affected by growing up as the daughter of a gay man and then, years later, marrying one. Many SunstonePodcast listeners may know that former husband: Steven Fales, the actor whose one-man show, Confessions of a Mormon Boy just closed its off-Broadway run. (Steven was the interview subject in SunstonePodcast #6).
In the interview, Emily takes us much deeper into the story she outlined in an essay, “Irreconcilable Differences,” in the April 2006 Sunstone magazine. We know you’ll enjoy hearing her powerful story.
To listen directly to this podcast, click here, or subscribe to SunstonePodcast via iTunes.
Emily, thank you. I hope your story is carried far and wide throughout the church, and that it becomes a part of our hope for changing hearts and minds. I especially enjoyed your expressions of caring for your earthly father and for the ideal. These men you have loved are certainly part of the same relationship…of the same soul. If you have done it unto the least of these…
Comment # 1 by Matt Elggren | Jun 23, 2006 | Reply
Emily: Thanks for sharing your story. My wife and I listened to the podcast over the weekend as we drove from SoCal to NoCal. Looking forward to your books…
Comment # 2 by Matt Thurston | Jun 29, 2006 | Reply
Emily, I enjoyed reading your essay- you have a gift for expressing yourself. I am surprised that you are still an active member of the LDS church. It sounds like you have evolved beyond the limiting mentality of this organization…
Comment # 3 by M. HARRIS | Jul 18, 2006 | Reply
Emily, I was riveted by your story, as I read your mother’s book GILY when I was 25, thank God just in time to stop me from making a similar marriage, and never forgot it. I have been wondering for many years how you and your siblings were doing and was thunderstruck to find out what happened to you. You are gorgeous and so very talented, and I eagerly look forward to reading more of your writing. You go girl!
Comment # 4 by Anonymous | Aug 10, 2006 | Reply
Only those who live/d this nightmare understand the damage caused by The LDS Closet. We trusted. We trusted leaders who told us as MIA Maids and Laurels to “honor the priesthood”, “support our ‘eternal companions’”. We were made to feel second-class because we were not as entitled to inspiration/ revelation. We did and do sacrifice our daughters (and sons) at the altar in order to pray that there will be a miraculous change in something so basic. My vows did not include “for str8 or for gay”. “Forsaking all others” was not an afterthought. There were choices to be made and many closeted, gay, LDS men chose deceit. The reasons are irrelevant. The damage is far-reaching. Support groups for gays and lesbians espouse Authenticity as a mantra. Noble and lofty though it may be, the reality for the vast majority of those left behind is a legacy of emotional and financial abandonment in the name of “being authentic”. There ARE choices. The first is to not marry. Absent that option, the second is tell the truth and then be responsible as part of that authenticity. As The Church throws away hundreds of thousands of tithing dollars on a campaign the thwart “the threat to the family” I can and do stand and say, the threat to the family was not and is not same-sex unions. The threat to MY family was The Closet. Thank you Emily. For me, it was a matter of “irreconcilable similarities”: I love men and so does my husband.
Comment # 5 by awalker | Aug 13, 2006 | Reply
Emily,
I’m sending a copy of your Sunstone article to my 25-year-old daughter, whose dad is gay. That reality has taken its toll on her ability to sustain healthy relationships, and I live with the hope that she will heal one day, as you have done. I remain an active member of the Church, while she has followed her dad into the chasm of hatred for all things Mormon. As it turns out, that is as painful for me to watch as it was to divorce her father.
I knew your dad and mom from our BYU Theater Dept days in the 1970s. I, too, married a gay BYU theater student, and we remained married for 19 years. Most of that was extremely unbearable for me, but my four children deserved both parents. That was my belief then. I don’t know what I believe about that now. I have never regretted marrying the father of my children, but I regret that I stayed with him so long.
Happy days followed my divorce, when I remarried. I live a comfortable heterosexual life with my current husband, whose own divorce was traumatic. Together we have healed. My children, unfortunately, have not. They are all productive members of society with families of their own. Dealing with their father has been a tremendous burden in their lives–not so much because he is gay, but because they don’t really like (to varying degrees) the person he has turned out to be. Yes, they are supportive of him and they do not harbor disdain for homosexuals. Nevertheless, their hearts have been scarred with wounds that have been re-opened far too many times. The healing will take years, as you well know.
Emily, I hope you will not dismiss the possibility of one day re-marrying. Thank you for sharing your story. God’s blessings be upon you your family.
Comment # 6 by Kathleen | Jan 29, 2007 | Reply