The Pampered Spouse
By Stephen Carter on Jun 19, 2006
My wife went to a Pampered Chef party a few days ago and stumbled upon a truly remarkable conversation.
All the women there were Mormons and had finished the Mammon part of the meeting so they were just settling down to talk some doctrine. Many of the women there had inactive husbands who had either never been to the temple, or had not gone in a long time.
They talked at length about their husbands and their unwillingness to do the temple thing when one woman piped up with “comforting words,” which apparently consisted of something like, “Don’t worry about it. When you get to heaven and your husband isn’t there, you’ll be free to date again and find someone else to be sealed to.” Then the old saw of women being more spiritual than men, and therefore more women will be in the Celestial Kingdom than men, was invoked to uphold the idea of polygamy in heaven.
Now it gets fun.
Everyone seemed genuinely pleased at the prospect.
I asked my wife: “Didn’t any of them say something like, ‘Dang, I’ll miss my husband, ’cause, you know, I kind of like him despite his oddities.”
Apparently not. As their husbands were unwilling to follow the commandments, the women were thrilled to think that they could hook up with a “righteous” man in the next life. Apparently they are living in hope of a better marriage in the hereafter. They’re just biding their time with these less-than-desirables they stupidly hooked up with in mortality.
Is this the female version of polygamy? Men want more women; women want the “perfect” man?
I have a hard time judging these ladies, because it must be difficult to believe in a set of principles that you believe will secure you supreme happiness and not be supported in their observance by your significant other.
But at the same time, I wonder, is eternal marriage about principles or people?
Wow, I guess I can imagine it. Occasionally I am in a conversation where it turns to bagging on husbands (like he never even wakes up when the baby cries). But I always have to pipe up with something positive about my husband like (I never even wake up when his alarm goes off at 6 am and goes off to work in the dark). Then other wives have to admit that they don’t hear their husband’s alarm clock go off either….(The husbands usually have a commute).
Comment # 1 by JKS | Jun 19, 2006 | Reply
Me and Bill have decided to tolerate each other, but he’s mostly fishing and I’m mostly reading. No kids. Except if they want to visit.
Comment # 2 by annegb | Jun 20, 2006 | Reply
WOW.
You know, one of my ansestors way back had herself sealed to the late Joseph Smith instead of being sealed to her own husband. Your account reminded me of that, and how bizarre that is. How would you feel as a husband?
And I really can’t understand how any woman could dream of being one of many wives to any man. Unless it’s Bill Paxton. : )
Comment # 3 by Rick | Jun 20, 2006 | Reply
Biologically, men want more women and women want the best man. Of course, they don’t prefer sharing the best man, but I suppose if they had no choice…
Here’s a story that I think may be pertinent (I didn’t orginate it):
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the
scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He
remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for
years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of
the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was
broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch
that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate
looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he
got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side. When he was close
enough, he called out, “Excuse me, where are we?”
“This is Heaven, sir,” the man answered.
“Wow! Would you happen to have some water?” the man asked.
“Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought
right up.” The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
“Can my friend,” gesturing toward his dog, “come in, too?” the traveler
asked.
“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.”
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and
continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to
a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never
been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree
and reading a book. “Excuse me!” he called to the man. “Do you have any
water?”
“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.”
“How about my friend here?” the traveler gestured to the dog.
“There should be a bowl by the pump.”
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned
hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the water bowl and
t ook a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were
full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the
tree.
“What do you call this place?” the traveler asked.
“This is Heaven,” he answered.
“Well, that’s confusing,” the traveler said. “The man down the road said
that was Heaven, too.”
“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope.
That’s hell.”
“Doesn’t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?”
“No, we’re just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave
their best friends behind.”
Comment # 4 by Gordon Banks | Jun 20, 2006 | Reply
I have a cousin who was overjoyed after hearing a stake conference talk in which a general authority assured her and other women who don’t have ‘righteous’ husbands in this life that they will be able to choose from one of the many males who died before the age of eight and have gone strait to the celestial kingdom. In other words,
if they can only make it through this life by bearing with their no good, loser terrestial husbands, they will be rewarded.
What about love? What about forgiveness? What about not Judging another’s heart? It is all rather sad I think.
Comment # 5 by riverstone | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
Worse than sad! How truly tragic. Hmmm. Well I think I have the best man already and he isn’t even a member-so I guess I’ll be a ministering angel to all of these women dating dudes that died before the age of eight.
Comment # 6 by Krista | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
Wow! How truly tragic. I already married the best man I have ever known but he isn’t a member. Ah, well. Guess I’ll have to be a ministering angel to all of these women ready to date those who died before 8.
Comment # 7 by Krista | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
In my in-law’s ward there is a couple who recently divorced after 20+ years of marriage. They had 3-4 children and the last had just left for college. He was a criminal defense attorney in Los Angeles; she was a typical LDS housewife. He was affectionately known as something of a renegade around their ward because he refused to wear a tie to Church; otherwise they appeared to be a normal LDS couple. The reason for their divorce: she wanted “more” from her husband spiritually than he was willing or capable of giving her. She wanted Stake President-level spirituality, or at least High Concillor-level spirituality. They separated temporarily, got back together and tried marriage therapy, but ultimately divorced. She was my mother-in-law’s best friend and confidant and summed up her decision as follows: “I waited for him to become the Priesthood holder I needed him to be for 20 years… I finally realized he would never change and the only way I’d achieve the kind of spiritual life I craved was to move on.” I felt bad for him — it was obvious to anyone who knew them that he still loved his wife and had no desire to divorce her.
Comment # 8 by Matt | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
What seems so ridiculous to me is that these women assume they are going to the Celestial Kingdom. They think they are spiritual giants because they attend the temple and do outwardly religious things. As riverstone said, what about love, forgiveness, and not judging another’s heart? These women are really missing the boat and seem very self-righteous.
Comment # 9 by a thinker | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
that is a hard one, though. I dunno, the whole thing confuses me. It would be hard if you and your spouse had different spiritual ambitions….I don’t mean rank in the church, and that seems to be what your mom’s friend maybe meant.
but I think it would be hard to have wonderful experiences in the temple and not be able to share them, or to work really hard on keeping the word of wisdom while your spouse drinks recreationally.
Still, I’m creeped out by women dreaming of marrying some dead eight-year-old, and like I said, I pitty my great, great, great gradfather whose wife wanted to be sealed to J. Smith instead of to him.
I can honestly say that I’ve wondered if I’m a burdon on my wife sometimes when it comes to spirituality. she has a lot more faith than I do, and a lot more ability to accept things. Sometimes I feel like I come home from church and just complain all day about stuff…..and trying to get me to church in the first place is sometimes a chore.
We recently went to the temple after not having been for about three years, all because I let my recommend expire and didn’t feel like I was into it enough to get it renewed. When we finally did go back, we had to wait a while for a session to start and we went and sat together in a sealing room. This is in the Provo Temple, right next to the MTC….where we met.
It was an amazing experience. We both just cried a bit and held hands and all I could think about was how wonderful it was to be in a place like that with her.
So………….I don’t know. It would be a trial not to be able to share such an important aspect of your life. I don’t love divorce, and I’m not condoning someone just wanting to be married to a bishop. But I can see how it would be a burdon for someone.
I’m pretty sure I’m making no sense, so I’m gonna go to bed. : )
Comment # 10 by Rick | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
a thinker said: “What seems so ridiculous to me is that these women assume they are going to the Celestial Kingdom”
That really kills me too. When my brother and his wife left the church, his mother-in-law got emotional and told him how sad it was that she was going to be all alone in the celestial kingdom. And she’s a BEAST. It blew me away.
What an arrogant assumption for anyone who’s not had a C&EMS.
We’re sure a funny people sometimes.
Comment # 11 by Rick | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
The Healer
by Steve Lowther
She raised her hands slowly to the heavens. She bowed her head and the rush of power came thru her palms and energized her very core. She was worthy. The power bestowed from the unseen told her so.
The small ailing woman before her, tortured and stiff with pain, cried softly in hope. “Heal me”, she whispered, “I hurt so much”. The healer let her hands float just above the affected parts, tingling with the energy rushing from the Source.
The old bent woman cried with grateful relief to the healer. “You have such a gift. You are a blessing to us. Truly you are worthy.” The gracious words made the heart of the healer swell. She needed that payment, and the small copper coins. The money was not significant, but she lived for the gratitude and adulation. The real currency was measured in esteem. The real payment was delivered in praise.
She was teaching the healing ways to the younger ones now. They looked at her with such wonder. At one time, she looked at her mentors the same way. There was the secret envy of this power that brought them such great esteem. They were able to do wonderful things, to bless lives in so many ways. She craved that esteem, but hid from herself the intensity of her cravings. To crave too much would not do. The cravings threatened her worthiness. She must remain unselfish.
Her work finished and adequate payment in metal and gratitude received, she returned to her home. Coming through the door, she noticed her husband dozing. The disdain washed over her, but she ignored it for the most part. For thirty years, they were husband and wife. He still loved her and she him in a way, but not like before. He had his good traits, but he abandoned the old ways.
He no longer had faith in the old ways, and his lack of belief rendered him unworthy. And for this there was no forgiveness, at least not from her, not until he returned. He was such an embarrassment. All her friends looked upon him not with malice, but with pity. He abandoned the old ways, the only true ways. This pity for him drained her esteem, and spilled over and tainted her. She was worthy. He was not.
In the ceremony just passed, the spirit was strong. The healing power was great, and both young and old learned more of the ways of healing. There were blessing spirits there, approving of them. The power permeated and blessed them all, for while there was no perfect worthiness, there was enough for all to share in a communion of spirit the unworthy could not appreciate. There was forgiveness for their imperfections, and the love for one another created a euphoria she never wanted to go away. They found balance and enlightenment. But of course it faded. She had to go home to the unworthy husband.
She was a good wife. She had to be a good wife to remain worthy. He was getting old now. His hearing and sight waned. She always had to look after him, even more than at the beginning. For if she did not, he sometimes forgot things. She secretly wanted him to die, except for the contribution he made to their comfort. Lately he was sick and his contributions were less than hers, and the feelings of wanting him dead came more frequently. She quickly suppressed them, for they were unworthy thoughts. She had the power to heal, but she could not bear to use it on his behalf for more than a minute or two. It would be unworthy of her to not offer it at all.
His usefulness was becoming less, and he was far from having the esteem as when he embraced the old ways. She had no respect for him now, and she told him so. This she could do and still be worthy because in a way she still loved him and she could tell him gently and hide the anger in her voice. Losing belief in the old ways was worse than dying.
Her healing power still grew, and this proved she was still worthy and very spiritual. While her withdrawal from him wounded him deeply, and sapped the life force from his body, it was a very silent killing. Few could possibly notice, and she could remain worthy as long as she kept her anger hidden and followed the ways of those superior. His weakness was his love for her, and her every disdainful thought easily pierced his heart like an arrow. She had to scarcely more than think it. The irony was not lost to her. She could wound this unworthy man through his gifts and hers. No one would ever know it.
The next morning the old husband awoke with a great heart weight and deep sorrow in his eyes. He was unworthy, but his gifts of perception were still finely honed. The evening before as they ate together, her conversation dwelled on the powerful manifestations she shared with her sister healers. Whenever such blessings occurred, she despised his unworthiness even more and could not hide it from him no matter how pleasant she tried to sound, no matter how pleasant and worthy her words to him. His weakness of his love for her gave her power over him, and it would require such little effort to attain the widowhood that would provide the platform to higher ascension.
Then while she was careful to keep the anger out of her voice, she could remain worthy and be pleasant as she reminded him of his unworthiness. After all, it was his choice to be unworthy by leaving the old ways. She once had such spiritually ambitious plans for herself and her husband. Their people would only esteem those most highly who were a husband and a wife and were worthy together. Others were able to gather esteem for themselves if they were lone women, but divorcing a husband had a high price of esteem and worthiness. Widowhood was her only option to preserve her worthiness and esteem.
He lay in his bed, and she easily ignored the sorrow in his eyes. He wounded so easily, but she still had to be patient. “I need your healing” he softly petitioned. They both knew where the heart weight came from. She reached her hand out over his chest and let it float there for a minute or two. The weight increased. “You are unworthy and have invited evil spirits into our home again. Only the chief priest has the power to rid our house of this unwanted presence.”
He looked at her. “The heart weight comes from you,” he said. “I have seen things that do not permit me to believe in the old ways and remain an honest man. I cannot embrace what I do not believe.”
“You are mistaken.” Her voice remained strong and calm, but darkened. She remained worthy and spiritual. She was winning.
“As surely as you put the knife to the throat of a pig, you are cutting mine.” There was a weakness, a pathetic, unworthy pleading in his voice.
Her rage boiled to the surface, and she screamed, “I am worthy! You are not! I am spiritual! You have abandoned the old ways! I abuse no one. I seek enlightenment. I seek righteousness. I spend many hours peering into my own soul. I am far, far superior to you. I have remained faithful to the old ways.”
The old man shut his eyes, and tears trickled down his cheek. The heart weight compounded.
“He is so unworthy and pathetic.” She wanted to say it aloud, but she remained powerful and worthy. Her worthiness gave her the power to rebound. She need not look at that from which she would painfully flinch. She was terrified at the ugliness, but she could shut it easily from her mind by the magic power of denying it was there.
What a powerful plan! In her heart, she knew the plan came to her from righteous living and being faithful to the old ways. She did not even have to devise it herself. It was given to her. She only needed to be patient, remain worthy and she would come unto her own with rewards and blessings so rich her soul could not contain them. Victory was her promise.
And as she was taught, by her remaining true and faithful, she did prevail. The old husband died of a broken heart. Their children mourned, the old friends thought it such a pity the old husband died in a state of unworthiness, and she became revered as one of the most spiritual of all. The old way was true.
Comment # 12 by Steve Lowther | Jun 21, 2006 | Reply
Sociologist Sheila Ruth has combined several decades of studying women’s personal lives to construct a theory of how American women (this is culturally specific) are raised in a particular Myth of Marriage that sets them up for unhappiness and failure. She sets up her question by pointing out reems of research that shows an odd paradox.
[What follows are statistical averages:] Single women talk constantly about marriage and how much they want to be married; but their pscyhological profiles reveal that they are actually quite happy and well-adjusted when they are single. By contrast, after marriage, women’s happiness sharply declines and they become susceptible to depression. Oddly, married women talk about how happy they are to be married and are willing to work really hard to keep the marriage from dissolving. Men have basically an inverse experience. They say they love being single, and after marriage talk about their “ball and chain” and tease each other about being “pussy-whipped.” But their emotional and mental health reveals that they become calmer, more stable, and happy in marriage. Their rates of depression go down, and their physical health improves; married men live longer than single men. Men’s suicide rate sky rockets after divorce; whereas women spend a few months picking up the pieces and then their health (emotional and physical) returns.
These general patterns in the population led sociologists to study the *culture* of marriage and the expectations our culture places on the institution. It should be no surprise to anyone here that women have been trained from birth to expect marriage, to locate their identity in their marriage. They see love as a “knight in shining armor” who comes to rescue them from all their problems. But in reality, in marriage, a man can’t fix all their problems, can’t give them identity or stability. Further, women’s gender roles teach her to be the emotional solver of all problems of those around her. But as she becomes emotional nurse for spouse and children, no one is present in the home to take care of her emotional needs.
So the Myth of Marriage basically sets her up for failure, because the Reality of Marriage cannot actually fulfill the needs she may have. Unfortunately, as the rest of American culture struggles against these older notions of marriage (which were butressed and re-accepted by the war generation during the 1940s and 1950s), Mormon culture has retrenched hard and clung to the nostalgic romanticism of marriage, and added to it all the heavy mormon baggage of exaltation and all that entails for either/both genders. Mormon women’s socialization really sets them up for failure, and as evidenced anechdotally from these women’s conversation, it also forecloses their ability for real intimacy with a man.
Comment # 13 by J. Todd Ormsbee | Jun 22, 2006 | Reply
Just a clarification: In the last sentence, I should’ve used more provisional language: “Mormon women’s socialization really sets them up for failure, even foreclosing for some women the ability for real intimacy with their husbands.”
It also strikes me that while feminists outside of mormonism have been working on this front for years, and Mormon women can’t help but have been influenced by the general cultural shift toward more and more egalitarian marriages, that the structures and institutions of gender within the church are such that these kinds of feminist programs can never really succede within mormon culture. Mormonism on its face is sexist through and through; how could a woman possibly construct for herself or a man possibly aid her in constructing an actual equal relationship? I can’t find a way to imagine it.
And so Mormon women who have bought into their own subordination seek power where they can: By judging their husband’s wickedness and looking for another knight in shining armor in the fantasy of the Celestial Kingdom.
Comment # 14 by J. Todd Ormsbee | Jun 22, 2006 | Reply
Rick (#8): You make an interesting point. A marriage must have somewhat compatible goals to work, and spiritual goals are certainly one of them. I think the question couples need to ask themselves is what comes first: the marriage/family or the Church. Put another way, is the family the center/basis of the marriage, or is the Church the center/basis? If your answer is “the Church”, then you are probably right, such a marriage cannot work.
I didn’t state it in my post (#6), but I think the husband’s problem wasn’t so much a lack of inherent spirituality, as it was difficulty exercising his spirituality within the sole framework of the Mormon Church. Regardless, I believe love can transend such differences, and even grow as a result of them. (I also think “love” and “spirituality” are almost synonymous; where one is the other will follow.)
You brought up the Word of Wisdom as an example. I don’t know… to me this is pretty minor in the grand scheme of marriage. If a spouse drinks, I assume he/she has different beliefs. The tough thing will be understanding and accepting those beliefs, not their outward manifestations like drinking or wearing funny underwear. If you love and accept your spouse for their beliefs, who cares if he/she doesn’t follow the Word of Wisdom (provided caveats like alcholism, etc. are avoided). I guess I’m biased because I just know too many mixed-marriage couples (one Mormon, the other not) where one drinks and the other doesn’t and the marriages work just fine.
My bottom line is that if the couples love each other and place their relationship before the Church (note I did not say “before God”), beliefs and spiritual goals can be easily harmonized. In fact, mixed-belief-marriage couples in the long run may be privy to some eternal insights that a strictly homogenous Mormon marriage may not.
Comment # 15 by Matt | Jun 22, 2006 | Reply
J. Todd Ormsbee… your post is a “keeper” for my files. Thanks.
Comment # 16 by Matt | Jun 22, 2006 | Reply
I ablsolutely agree that family comes before the church…it’s why I’ll never be really liked by ward leadership probably. I’ve become quite comfortable saying “No”.
I also agree that word of wisdom is a very, very, very small deal…and perhaps was a bad example. But in my marriage it’s actually been a fairly big deal, so I guess it made more sense from my POV. I have a very difficult time not drinking, smoking pot, or popping pills (particularly the latter). I have to lean a lot on my wife sometimes, and I’d really struggle if she didn’t understand that goal or didn’t feel as committed to it as I am.
What I’m talking about, though, is entirely different than this other business of wanting to be married to the bishop, to be sealed to a dead prophet, or to look forward to marrying some “perfect” eight year old in the celestial kingdom. That’s all unfathomable.
As I’ve drifted in and out of activity in our seven years together (anniversary this sunday!!!), Wendy has always been there for me, always understood, always even supported my decisions and heard out my complaints and doubts. If I thought that she was instead taking comfort in being able to posthumously marry someone else more active in that church……………that would crush me.
Comment # 17 by Rick | Jun 22, 2006 | Reply
I’m going to print this off and study it.
Personally I’m not going to the Celestial Kingdom. I’m going to heaven.
Comment # 18 by annegb | Jun 22, 2006 | Reply
Rick: It sounds like your wife is a keeper.
annegb: Can I come too?
Comment # 19 by Matt | Jun 22, 2006 | Reply
Steve,
That’s an intersting story. You drew the tensions well and hit on some perceptions of “deadbeat” Mormon husbands that I think should be examined more closely.
One is the idea that when people undergo a change in their spiritual direction they become “inactive.” That’s what you portrayed in your story, and its the perception our terminology gives us. Do these people really enter into a static state when they stop participating in church functions?
I’m sure that the answer is very different for everyone. For me, personally, I started on a journey that was much more intense than any journey I had been on before. I simply didn’t have the time or energy to keep up with all the stuff church wanted me to do.
However, there was a period (and it still crops up from time to time) where I dropped a lot of the family-related church things I used to do, like calling on people to give prayers, or giving lessons for FHE, or reading scriptures as a family. My wife had to decide if she wanted those things to happen enough to take over them herself.
However, while I was in this state, I wasn’t in stasis. I was wrestling inside myself. Mormonism instills a very strong aversion to the “very appearance of evil.” And I saw some things Mormonism had engendered in me that were evil. I was too new to my journey to tell what had started where. I didn’t want to foist destructive things on my children, so I stopped doing those Mormon things for a while. I had to find a new way of approaching it. If my wife had treated this time as a “Stephen has fallen from grace” thing and lorded her righteousness over me, I would have had a much harder time considering everything I had to consider in an even-handed way.
I know this is the case because for a little while my family lived with another family in a very large house. The wife of the other family insisted that we read scriptures together early in the morning. I participated, but I did one thing that sent her over the edge - I skipped the “and it came to pass”es.
I found out soon that the wife of the other family had instituted the scripture reading specifically to “restore me to the faith.” After the falling out she was pretty open about her opinion of my spirituality. (Strangely, she still let me tend her children.) That really rubbed me the wrong way. She told my wife that she really admired her for being able to put up with someone who was so obviously on his way to hell. If I had a wife like her, I would be far away from anything church related.
Fortunately I had the wife I have, who is both willing to be open and willing to disagree with me without letting that disagreement mar our relationship.
The second thing you did that I think is excellent was give the woman’s power validity. I believe that Mormonism has surpassing validity in many people’s lives. I’m certain that miracles do occur around it (I just think miracles occur in a lot of other places too). So what she had was powerful. That’s important. When you have something that has real power for you, it’s incredibly hard to countenance the idea that someone else can have their own, equally valid power, especially when it seems to contradict your own. I know that I was unwilling to countenance such an idea before I started my current journey.
The ending was nice and ambiguous. Yes, her righteous power triumphed over the infidel, but at what cost? She could never understand her husband because her power meant too much to her. She preferred power to people. Well, that’s not quite true, is it? Her power brought her into significant relationships with other women. But it stopped her from being able to connect with her husband.
ANd I think that’s significant. As Todd pointed out, maybe women don’t need men the way they think they do. Maybe that was an invsible worm that had been gnawing at the roots of her marriage the entire time.
Sometimes I wonder if monogamy shouldn’t be treated as a social experiment.
Anyway, the tensions in that story were really great.
Comment # 20 by Stephen Carter | Jun 23, 2006 | Reply
Life is so gray. I carefully studied what I’d printed last night (it didn’t include the last couple of posts).
I have a friend who’s gone to the temple,her husband’s an alcoholic. She doesn’t rejoice that he won’t be there, but it hurts her when he says he doesn’t want to be sealed to her for eternity. It hurts her feelings. I think there are a lot more factors involved, but there is that other side, as well.
I am the strange one in my family. If I left the church and started drinking, I think my husband would drop me like a hot rock.
Like I say, shades of gray all over the place.
I’m intrigued by your story Steven, the hypocrisy evident. I see that everywhere in the church, not just righteous women and inactive men. My former bishop is pretty convinced I’m going to outer darkness and I’m pretty convinced he’ll go into an eternal coma from shock when he sees me in heaven. Hell, I’ll probably come down to visit him in the Celestial Kingdom.
It’s that judgemental attitude, that pat-yourself-on-the-back hypocritical thing that is going to run me off the church, if I ever run, which I choose to stay and fight. I won’t leave over Joseph Smith and the masons, polygamy, or racism, I’ll leave because my stuck up neighbor, who thinks he’s all that because he goes to church on Sunday, is in all actuality, an asshole.
Another sub-topic I picked up was how important wives are to husbands. This is something I’m new to realizing, I’ve been married a long time and never knew that until I had a midlife crisis. My father was abusive and I’d never seen that devotion modeled until my husband let me know in no uncertain terms that he loved, adored, and needed me. All feisty, chubby, and completely imperfect.
But, you know, like I said, if I went inactive, it would break his heart, but I think he’d dump me. Hell, I might dump him if he went inactive, but I do’t think so. If he started drinking, now, another story.
So many sides to life.
Comment # 21 by annegb | Jun 24, 2006 | Reply
annegb, I was very touched by your very personal and very open account.
thanks.
p.s. also, you are very funny.
Comment # 22 by Rick | Jun 24, 2006 | Reply
My spouse is LDS; I am not. I am fairly convinced that the Book of Mormon is a work of fiction (yeah, I’ve read the BOM). I am skeptical of religious claims, in general. The psychological and emotional manipulation that passes as “religion” is very sad to observe.
I feel that it is positively foolish that people would choose to exclude me based on my agnosticism. The Boy Scouts of America, for example, would not allow me in a leadership position because they feel that I’m not an appropriate role model for children. How insulting! There are other organizations (I’m sure you can guess) who similarly insult my beliefs.
I am alive now! I can breathe, listen, and talk now! How foolish to say, “We’ll provide a chance for him to conform to the true belief system after he’s dead.”
That person in the next room can interact with you now, but it is a very definite possibility that there will be no interacting with that person after he or she is dead. Go right now and offer, “A penny for your thoughts.”
Comment # 23 by A.J. | Jul 21, 2006 | Reply