Bron Ingoldsby (1950 - 2005)
By Dan on Dec 7, 2005
My Sunstone editorial for the November 2005 issue focused on the passing of my good friend Bron Ingolsdby, who died 18 October following a battle with liver cancer. Bron was a popular professor at Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho) and most recently, BYU.
As I gathered my thoughts to write that editorial, I put the word out about what I was planning and received several emails from Bron’s students and colleagues. I was able to include a few sentences from some of these notes but had to leave most out. At the end of my reflection, I also invited others who knew Bron to blog here about his life and legacy.
I’ve recently written to the students and friends of Bron who wrote in for permission to publish their notes to me here on the blog. I will do that as affirmative replies come in. I hope that any of you who knew Bron and have a story to share will join in here. He deserves to be celebrated!
Dan Wotherspoon
Editor, Sunstone
I received permission to post the following note from Christy Smith:
Dear Dan Wotherspoon,
I was informed by Margaret, Dr. Ingoldsby’s TA, that you are doing a tribute and are looking for memories, comments, and thoughts about Dr. Ingoldsby. I just wanted to share a few of my feelings about Dr. Ingoldsby if I could–mainly as a catharsis.
I have taken two classes from Dr. Ingoldsby. The first class I took from him was last fall when he was first undergoing treatment for his cancer. Despite the stigma that is attached in our society about talking about illness, Dr. Ingoldsby was open and honest with us about his condition. As a class we were cheering him on to recovery as he updated us of his progress throughout the semester. When we found out that he was in remission we all rejoiced. This fall I am in one of his classes again, and it pained me to see him having to combat the illness again. I think what pained me the most was to see how much he wanted to be teaching us and how hard it was for him. He stuck through it to the end though and for that I am deeply grateful. He is an example to me. I become emotional just thinking of the dedication and determination he had in life whether it was in his academic profession or in his personal life. He is one of a handful of professors I have felt such a deep connection with here at BYU because he was genuine and sincere. He truly loved what he did and his students could tell. He brought humor and laughter to the classroom at times in his life when most would just sit and sulk. He didn’t let the cancer control him. I think truly Dr. Ingoldsby will always be remembered in the hearts of his students as someone who did not let his circumstances dictate his disposition. He found the silver lining in everything. I am so grateful that I had the priviledge to learn from Dr. Ingoldsby, for he has given me the motivation to endure to the end. But he followed Pres. Hinckley’s counsel that life is not to just be endured, but enjoyed as well. He endured it well (D&C 121:8) and loved life–every bit of it. I wish that I could have thanked him for his example, and I hope he knows how much his students appreciated him. May the Lord bless and keep him until we meet again.
Thank you for allowing me to express my feelings. I am glad that a tribute is being done for him because truly he was an amazing and inspiring man that I wish everyone could have known.
Sincerely,
Christy Smith
Comment # 1 by Dan | Dec 7, 2005 | Reply
I first met Bron when I was about six or seven years old. Bron and his brothers always seemed to have something interesting in the works. They lived in a small town in central California, surrounded by olive trees and orange groves. Maybe that’s why I often found interesting books, board games and discussions of the Amazon or exotic plants that had significant impact on my early development, as I made infrequent visits over the years. Bron and I both come from fairly conservative Mormon families, so when we bumped into each other at a Salt Lake Sunstone symposium, we made a quick pact not to tell our shared family about our chance meeting there. As the years went by, I grew to look forward to catching up with Bron each year at Suntone, and once Bron moved to Utah, we were able to connect much more often. Bron occasionally ran interference for me with family members, and I introduced Bron to my circle of friends, where Bron quickly became an intimate member. I’m very sad to say goodbye to my confidant. May God bless you and you family.
Tom Kimball
Comment # 2 by Tom | Dec 8, 2005 | Reply
I have received permission from Gary Horlacher to post the following two notes.
This first is excerpted from a longer letter Gary sent to people he knew were Bron’s friends and correspondents:
Bron passed away yesterday (Tuesday) about 12:30 in the afternoon surrounded by family and friends. He had been valiantly fighting a battle with cancer for over a year and a half. Last week when they were not able to stabilize his blood count the doctors informed him and the family that there would be no more chemo treatments. He talked to me on Friday and suggested I meet with him on Monday to go over our classes at BYU. When I saw him on Monday, he was able to say my name but could not say anything else. I held his hand and visited with his family. The poison had spread quickly. I told him his classes would be okay and kissed him. The students were deeply touched and wrote up comments for the family which the teaching assistants delivered to his home Monday afternoon. His colleague Suzanne flew out to be with him Tuesday morning.
I was touched with a deep reverence and felt a deep spirituality as I witnessed this process. When someone who is so profoundly important to so many people is taken away prematurely, it is a humbling experience. I wanted to shout the unfairness to the sky. Perhaps some of you experience similar emotions. Bron was like another father to me. We meet weekly and when I was threatened with being dismissed from school on more than one occasion, he was always there to support and come to my defense. We have many projects we started together which have yet to be submitted for publication which I hope will continue to honor his work as they are completed. He was always laid back, calm, easy going, and open minded. So many students were touched and he opened so many to the diversity that exists in families across cultures. Thank you for your friendship with Bron. The world and I am blessed because of him.
This second note is from Gary’s email to me in reponse to my request for memories and thoughts that I might draw upon for the editorial.
Bron and I both started at BYU about the same time, and he chose me as a grad student probably because of my background in linguistics and international genealogy. We met weekly, and when in my first semester one of my professors was informed I was openly gay and told all of the other faculty, it began my own battle to remain at BYU which in the subsequent two and a half years resulted in four different investigations, Bron was there by my side through it all. He signed his name on a research project on homosexuality I proposed. I realized that without tenure and as a new professor that he was not in a position to become too strong of an advocate but he did whatever he could and was by my side throughout my ordeal. He was laid back, open minded, easy going, and a genuine person who it seems everyone loved. He enjoyed teaching students about cross-cultural families because it could open their minds to the diversity that exists in the world. He also loved attending Sunstone. He and I attended many family conferences together, as well as the Sunstone conferences, and there was a deep bond of friendship and love between us. As I saw him dying on Monday it was hard for me to tell his classes at BYU which I have been co-teaching with him since his chemo treatments began to interfere with his schedule. I wanted to shout to the sky at the injustice and tragedy of taking someone who wanted so badly to live and enjoy the rest of his life. I felt like I used to feel when coming out of the temple, a profound feeling of reverence, sensitivity, humility, awe. Hard to explain all those emotions that hit me and have lingered with me throughout this week. It is like going through the death of my own father again. There is something special about this process, however tragic. It is a chance for deeper respect for life and the unknown. I no longer feel a need to know all the answers, but I enjoy the process of the unknowing because of the great awe and immensity it provides, a profound respect and deeper sensitivity.
Feel free to share whatever part of this you might want. The students here at BYU put together comments which were given to the family on Monday. There is a tremendous outpouring and so many good people here. Perhaps you can bring out how Bron was able to tolerate ambiguity and was so effective whether it be interacting with highly religious LDS extremists or militant feminists. He was able to mesh with everyone. He was a true mentor and role model for me. I hope we can all learn to better tolerate ambiguity and coexist in love and peace and respect for one another. Thanks for the opportunity for me to share a few spontaneous thoughts!
Gary
Comment # 3 by Dan | Dec 8, 2005 | Reply
Dan,
I was wondering if you could let me know how to get in touch with his family. I lost touch with them and just learned about this loss and want to express my condolences personally. Contact me at julietchristensen@yahoo.com please. I’m sorry for your loss of a good friend as well.
Juliet
Comment # 4 by Juliet | Mar 8, 2006 | Reply
Dan,
I was also wondering how to get in touch with Bron’s family, especially his wife, Val. I led a church choir with her at USU in the 70’s and accompanied her often on her clarinet. We kept in touch for many years at Christmas, but eventually lost touch. I would love to contact her with my condolences. Thanks for your help. Barbra Spuhler
Comment # 5 by Barbra Spuhler | Mar 28, 2006 | Reply
Barbra, Juliet, and others,
I’ve just chatted with Val, and she’s authorized me to give out the following contact information for her. Since this is going to be online, she felt best about having us put her work contact info out there:
Curves
Attn: Valerie
854 S. State
Orem, Utah 84097
(801) 426-5910
vbienterprises@hotmail.com
I hope you’ll enjoy reconnecting.
Best,
Dan
Comment # 6 by Dan | Mar 29, 2006 | Reply